David Heiller
Gremlins Come Out at Christmas, the newspaper headline read. Santa’s Elves Discovered in Birch Creek Farmhouse?
DENHAM, [A.Ρ.] A set
of strange occurrences have set the scientific world abuzz in this rural Minnesota
community.
The David and Cindy Heiller
household has been the site of several baffling mysteries that may be related to
Old St. Nick himself.
Christmas tree ornaments have
been found lying underneath the white spruce that they cut two weeks ago. The ornaments
were hung several feet of the floor by the homeowners themselves. Several defy Newton’s
Law to rest on the floor at the end of every day.
 |
| Look! A clue! |
Tiny stars which Cindy Heiller
stuck above a cut-out of a horse and sleigh on the kitchen window have been moved
down into a crooked line above the sleigh. “They’re just sticky things you put on
windows,” the baffled Cindy tried to explain. “They don’t move by themselves.”
The family’s nativity scene,
with its ceramic Wise Men and cattle, has also been disrupted. The figures are often
found arranged in different numeric patterns, shaped into a six or a seven, like
something you might see on Sesame Street. Experts have yet to explain the significance
of the numbers.
And Christmas cookies have
been disappearing almost as fast as they come from the oven.
Several area Santa Clauses
have been asked about the puzzle. Walter Price, speaking on behalf of the Willow
River Santa, offered only “Ho-ho-ho.” Cindy Nelson, the personal secretary of the
Askov Santa, put her finger aside her nose and disappeared up the Partridge Cafe
chimney.
The Heiller family dog, Binti,
has been seen drinking water from the Christmas tree stand, but couldn’t have lifted
the ornaments from the tree, experts say. The family cat, Miss Emma, has been observed
examining the nativity scene at close range, but doesn’t know her numbers, much
less watch Sesame Street. She has been seen on the counter next to Christmas cookies,
but is not big enough to carry them away.
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| "Baby Tato" and little Malika |
David Heiller said he knew
nothing, although he admitted to eating “one or two” cookies. When asked whether
his weight had risen above 205 pounds, he pleaded the Fifth Amendment and swore
at the First.
The Heillers’ two children,
Noah and Malika, have been no help to authorities. Malika, a.k.a. Mollie, even added
to the puzzle when she displayed two Wise men and the Virgin Mary in her purse. She
admitted they came from the “King-Gum”. The figures were found next to a potato,
a.k.a. Tato,
which is now quite long in the tooth since it came from Nolan’s cellar a month ago.
Asked to comment, the two-and-a-half year old recited the words to
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
Noah, more eloquent at age
four and a half, fell back on a line learned at a recent Sunday School pageant.
“This is Joseph, this is Mary,” he said, making figures with his fingers. “Can I
have another cookie, Daddy?”
The Pine County Sheriff’s Department
is investigating the case.
“Don’t look for any answers
soon, a sheriff’s spokesperson said, “Nobody panic. Just relax, enjoy your family.
Sing a few Christmas carols. Dance around the tree if you’re Danish or so inclined.
“Oh yeah, have a Merry Christmas
too.”
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