Rain-making services available here ~ May 19, 2004

David Heiller

It’s funny how we can get too much of a good thing.

I’m thinking of the rain that has fallen lately. It started on Wednesday night, May 19, and really hasn’t stopped since then, and I’m writing on Sunday night, May 23.

John's model?

It’s getting to the point where John Holzwarth is sketching out plans for an ark, and Pastor Tony Fink is rounding up pairs of animals on the sly.

I know, we needed the rain, the water table is low, people are starving in China. But enough is enough.

I could predict it was coming though, and I’ll take a little credit (or blame). Here’s my theory. One: I planted grass seed on Wednesday afternoon, a lot of grass seed, $64 worth, all around the yard and over the geo-thermal field. It was a big project, aided I must add by my good neighbor Duane Thomford, who bladed and dragged the acre of ground just right. So after the grass seed and fertilizer were all scattered carefully in place, using the Farmers Co-op handy-dandy seed spreader, I asked the Person Upstairs for a little rain.

And that was the problem. I should not have asked that, because Robert Ideker told me in Sunday School 40 years ago that we don’t need to be greedy and ask for things like rain or new baseball gloves, because the Good Lord knows such things, and doesn’t need a reminder, thank you very much.

Just a little rain.

So He got a little upset. Not enough to send a plague of locusts. Just enough to wash every one of those 2,479,634 seeds down the bank and into the gully, where we will have an excellent crop of grass this fall, praise the Lord!

The other miscue on my part is that I went camping. I have a knack for drawing out the rain when I go camping. About 10 years ago we had a drought up north, and only got rain three times all summer. They happened to coincide with the three camping trips that we took that year.

Coincidence? Maybe. But there I was in Lanesboro, camping on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and there was the rain on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

My services may come in handy during the next drought. Farmers, I’m available for a reasonable rate. I’ll even throw in some grass seed for free.