Behind the Lines: by David Heiller

 David Heiller The clock radio by our bed has survived 25 years of marriage, and our marriage has survived 25 years of that radio. I don ’ t know which is the greater miracle. Cindy has always had control of the radio. That’s part of the deal. Note that I didn’t say that’s part of the problem; 25 years of marriage has taught me a few things. 1976 The year David and I met, and the year I bought the clock radio. She sets the alarm, which these days comes on at 5:23 a.m. When we want to turn on the radio, that’s Cindy ’ s job, and when it’s time to shut off the radio, she does that too. You see, that little Panasonic radio with the “simulated wood cabinet” is not as simple as it looks. From left to right are nine buttons: doze, sleep, time set (fast and slow), alarm set, selector (which itself has three options, off, radio, and buzzer), manual off-on, volume, and band. So this morning, Sunday, May 8, when I reached over Cindy to turn off the radio, the conversati...

David Heiller Gremlins Come Out at Christmas, the newspaper headline read. Santa’s Elves Discovered in Birch Creek Farmhouse? DENHAM, [A.Ρ.] A set of strange occurrences have set the scientific world abuzz in this rural Minnesota community. The David and Cindy Heiller household has been the site of several baffling mysteries that may be related to Old St. Nick himself. Christmas tree ornaments have been found lying underneath the white spruce that they cut two weeks ago. The ornaments were hung several feet of the floor by the homeowners themselves. Several defy Newton’s Law to rest on the floor at the end of every day. Look! A clue! Tiny stars which Cindy Heiller stuck above a cut-out of a horse and sleigh on the kitchen window have been moved down into a crooked line above the sleigh. “They’re just sticky things you put on windows,” the baffled Cindy tried to explain. “They don’t move by themselves.” The family’s nativity scene, with its ceram...

David Heiller Challenges come in all shapes and sizes. For a baseball player to bat .400, that’s a challenge. For an executive to earn $892,000, as does the head of Pillsbury, that’s a challenge. Sometimes, challenges go unnoticed that may be just as important to the individual as those that make the headlines. I can think of a few, and I bet you can too. One is the tea challenge , or the Tea Cup , driving to work without spilling your hot coffee, or tea, in my case. This competition has certain ground rules. The cup must he filled to the brim when you leave the house, and it must be boiling in the cup, so that a spill will sear flesh and possibly affect your regenerative future. You must also drive a stick shift. The car must have at least 100,000 miles on it. You must cover at least five miles of gravel road with the full cup, in northern Pine County. Roads closer to the county seat are too well maintained to be part of the Tea Cup . Often, I’m lucky to get out of the driveway befor...