Missed anyone’s birthday lately? ~ August 3, 2000

David Heiller

“Happy birthday Cindy.” Hazel Serritslev said that to my wife on Tuesday morning when we got to work.

At the office of the Askov American,
where birthdays were never an after-thought.

Good old Hazel doesn’t forget birthdays. She even bakes a cake for everyone at work when their birthdays roll around, which happens once a year, so I’m told.

I’m not as good as Hazel at remembering birthdays.

In fact, when Hazel said “Happy birthday, Cindy,” a moment of pure surprise hit me, and it really did feel like a ton of bricks.

I had totally forgotten this momentous occasion for my wife, Cynthia Anna Olson Heiller.

Before I had a chance to say anything, Cindy walked to the front of the office, where Cindy Jensen greeted her with another “Happy birthday.”

I expect if I had turned on WCCO radio, I would have heard the announcer wishing Cindy a happy birthday.

1960... I loved that cool cake my grandma made for me.

I apologized to Cindy, but she answered truthfully, “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it.” I hate to admit it, because I consider myself an organized person. But when it comes to remembering birthdays, I’m a failure. If I’m lucky, it will come to me a day or two in advance, usually with the help of someone saying something like, “What are you doing for Cindy’s birthday?”

Then I can clear my throat and say, “Well, we’ll probably take in a movie, or maybe go for a bike ride,” all the while breathing a big sigh of relief that I’ll remember this time.

A friend of mine told me on Tuesday (after she asked what I was doing for Cindy’s birthday) that I should write it on the calendar. That’s not a bad idea. I write haircut appointments and doctor visits on the calendar. Why not birthdays?

It isn’t just Cindy, by the way. It’s Noah and Mollie and Mom and Sharon and Glenn and Kathy and Mary and Jeanne and Danny and on and on. In fact, I sometimes don’t remember my own birthday.

Maybe a shock collar type of device would work too, like you put on a Doberman pinscher. It could go on the wrist like a watch. You could program birthdays into it, then have it send about 200 volts into you a week before the event. Unless you shut it off first. That might help you remember.

I’m saying “you” here because I’m sure that, other people have this problem too, right? In fact, if you have this same problem, please write to me. I’d like to share your stupidity—I mean forgetfulness—with the 2,000 readers of the Askov American. We could even start a support group. Individuals Devoting Intimacy On Their Spouses. If the acronym fits, wear it.