Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Weddings bring families together ~ December 1, 1994


David Heiller

Some big families live fairly close together, and see each other often. I think they are lucky, even if they sometimes don’t get along so well.
Yet, maybe it’s not all bad that my siblings are spread over the United States. It makes the occasions when we do get together all that more memorable.


Heillers, at a family wedding.
Like last weekend. Six of us brothers and sisters went to St. Charles, Illinois, to attend the wedding of our niece, Jenny. Everybody brought their kids too.
It was a beautifully hectic time. I tried to squeeze two years into two days with Jeanne, who I hadn’t seen since 1992. That’s impossible.
But small conversations can mean a lot, especially when you grew up together in a loving family. People don’t say many profound things at real life reunions, like they do in Hollywood. They talk about their jobs, or their kids riding in mountain bike races.

You get a taste of their lives, and you put the ingredients together and savor it all until you see them again.
David and his sister Jeanne in Jay Cooke State Park.
Jeanne and I did that during our visit last week. Then at the wedding dance on Saturday night, we said something almost in unison. Maybe it was even profound: how lucky we were to be together at this time.
Sometimes it wasn’t even necessary to talk. A smile and a hug can say as much as a book. There were plenty of both at the wedding.
I didn’t say much to Jenny. There were too many people, and being a bride is a tough job. A hug and a smile and a few words went a long way with her. You could see it in her eyes.
A dance says a lot too. Our elders used to dance more than we do. They knew that you can impart more in a few minutes of holding a loved one, and making small talk, than you can in many other ways.


David and his sister Kathy.
I didn’t talk much with my sister Kathy during our wedding reunion. It had something to do with the fact that her daughter was the one getting married. Mother-of-the-bride is a tough job too.
But we did dance. She asked me how things were going. I did the same. A two minute conversation, but one I’ll remember, because it conveyed more than words. It conveyed love and concern and gratitude for just being together.
Watching my nieces and nephews was just as fun. I sat next to a nephew at dinner. He told me about his role in a play at school. He was excited about it, and spoke with a pride and intelligence that I had not seen before.
Another nephew is a wrestler, like I was in high school. He was an usher at his sister’s wedding, just like I was at the wedding of my sister Kathy—his mother—26 years ago.
That was a wonderful connection. He was the kind of kid that would have been my friend back in eighth grade, and the kind of kid that an uncle could love now.
The same for his big brother, who is a senior in high school, polite, mature, handsome, and altogether likeable.
Kathy complimented Cindy and me on our kids too. She did it indirectly. At the last dance Saturday night, our 11-year-old son danced with Kathy. He asked her to dance, which made us even prouder. Cindy and I watched them and smiled. Somehow their dancing brought our whole family closer to Kathy.
Then Kathy told me afterward how Noah had talked to her all during the dance, had asked about Jenny and Chad, and hoped their honeymoon trip to New Orleans went OK. “He’s a good dancer,” she added. You can’t get a finer compliment than that.
Watching our nine-year-old daughter dance with almost all her cousins and uncles and even a few aunts brought us great joy too.
The wedding was more than a time to help Jenny and Chad celebrate their marriage. It was a time for a family to come together again. That’s something for which to be thankful.


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